Monday, November 15, 2010

Marriages and spouses.....

this is not us, my husband doesn't have that much hair anymore!!! :D
What a complicated world we live in, right?  We live in a world where relationships take time and commitment--they are challenged moment by moment. Things happen to try those commitments and the time that it takes to invest in them.  Mom works all day to get it all done, manage the household, get the sweeties all the places they need to go, meals, laundry, etc..... and Dad works all day, too, doing whatever business he is a part of.......both meet up at the end of the day, likely exhausted with at least three or four more hours to pour into the family OR pour themselves into something, be it a couch, a glass (or two) of some adult beverage, a hobby, a computer or television.  Stress invades our little worlds and causes all manner of  complications, both physical, mental and emotional.  (Insert the Mom Song here....imagine it playing in the background...)  Often the first place to bear the unfavorable consequences of all that busyness and stress is the marriage.  Yep, the closest one to you often bears the brunt of the irritable spousal syndrome, yes?  It's natural....we all do it.  Snap at your spouse because you've just had enough and would really rather check out, resign your responsibilities and move to the Riviera......ahhhh, Calgon, take me away.....and our view of our spouse becomes a little skewed sometimes......imagine this thought, which we've probably ALL thought before....."geez, I thought I had only three children, but HE really is the fourth child, it seems..."  Um hum, we've all thought it.   Got attitude?  Yes, likely.  And chances are he has thought...."I didn't bargain for such a high maintenance woman!!"......got attitude? Yes, likely. 

Well, I just want to encourage you today......next year we will celebrate 30 years of marriage.  Some were VERY DIFFICULT years.  They were not all rosy.  But with grace and mercy, we have made it this far.  Will we have more difficult times?  Yes, likely....because we are still sinners.  We are still very different and opposite types of personalities.  He still puts up with me....even though I leave piles sometimes for way too long.  Even though I overschedule myself and then don't have time for the right things.  And yes, he still has a few areas where the thirty years of training doesn't stick...LOL...we are human, we are married, but it still takes time invested to keep the commitment in the forefront of our minds.
We are now empty-nesters....all those years of nursing, baths, homework, sports, band rehearsals, recitals, gymnastics, piano lessons, cleaning up vomit, bandaging hurts, emergency room visits, etc....they are now past us, pretty much.  And we find ourselves with our worlds not so much revolving around our children's activities.  We are faced with one another, and a time to get to know one another again.....we had our first born right before our first anniversary, so we've not known very much life without children.  Hello new world.  I realize that not everyone reading this will relate.  Some of you may still be in the diaper years, the intense years of training, but they will fly by, I tell you.  It doesn't seem like it while each day seems to last much longer than 24 hours...but it does.  They will soon be going to junior high, to High School Prom, off to college!!
And some of you may be in the throes of adolescent years, which are so difficult.  They think you know NOTHING, understand nothing of what they are facing, and that phase will last a few more years.....but the good news is when they reach about 23 or 24, you suddenly get a little wiser, and more desirable to hang around!  Yes, life is complicated.  Life takes  hard work.  Life with a family takes commitment.  But what an investment, what a legacy.

I don't mean to say that if you aren't married or have children, that life is easy, that life is not as valuable because it is.  But I only speak of what I know.  So I encourage you to take a few minutes, at the very least, each day to value  your spouse.  Touch, listen, encourage and affirm...those are good investments.  If there are things in your life that drag you away from those things, then re-evaluate whether they are worth your time.  Take some time to talk face to face and see what the needs of your spouse are.  Again, HARD...but worth the investment.  Our biggest enemy is often ourselves.  We must preserve those relationships and the time it takes to build them.  We must often put off ourselves, even though we would rather not.  In the end, it will be worth it.  In the end, you will find a reward for the sacrifice.  In the end, you will have a preserved marriage.  Take the time today to make that investment.

10 comments:

Domestic Designer said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. So true! Blessings!
DD

April said...

What a powerful, thought-provoking lesson we can ALL learn something from!

Ritkiss said...

Thank you for your inspiring words. Congratulations on 30 years! What an inspiration to all of us of hard work and dedication! Hope you have many more wonderful years together.

Debbie said...

A wonderful post, Suzanne.

I agree that the one most often taken for granted is the spouse. Mine is so easy going and giving that it would be SO EASY to forget just how much he needs too. He may not verbalize it, but he still needs it.

Love the Decor! said...

We are coming up on 29yrs Congrats to you on 30!!!
Wonderful l words of wisdom and encouragement

Marla @ Always Nesting said...

ITA with each and every word you've posted. The good years and the bad years are all committed years. And yes, yes, we need to affirm our spouses. When we get so busy with the day to day make a living and raise the kids sometimes we get lost, as a couple, in the journey. What happens, pretty soon it's just the two of us (or you) and you'll need to remember why you married him in the first place and what you really really love about him after all the years of being reminded of what you don't love. It's so worth it - there's nothing better than new love and there's nothing better than old love, because by then, you really understand that sometimes "for worse" really means that and you've made it through, and still love your spouse.

Andrea said...

Blessings and prayers,
andrea

Just a little something from Judy said...

You said it beautifully and I could not agree with you more. Thank you for sharing a much needed message in today's world. Wishing you many more together.

Designs on 47th Street said...

Suzanne Dear...You said all of this very, very well. It is so true. You wonder why when life gets hard we sometimes take it out on the one closest to us. We must work, work, work each and every day to keep our marriages alive and happy. We hit 40 this year, and I couldn't have stated the facts better than young you! :)

Donna

Sue said...

You spoke the truth about marriage, that's for sure. Our nest emptied 13 years ago - and these years have FLOWN BY!! Kinda scary how fast the time has gone. My husband and I will celebrate 34 this June so I know that what you say is true. WORK at it and have some FUN too!! The investment is worth it.